


Not a Monster

by TakashiSenpai7



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bullying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Romance, F/M, Fluff, Gay Severus Snape, Hurt/Comfort, Love, M/M, Protective Severus Snape, Romance, Teacher-Student Relationship, Trans Character, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-07
Updated: 2020-10-23
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:46:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26879173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TakashiSenpai7/pseuds/TakashiSenpai7
Summary: You find an ally in Severus Snape when you come out as trans only to be called a monster by your peers.As Snape helps you come to terms with your gender and with feeling accepted, are there underlying feelings forming? Is that love Snape is starting to feel for you?Guess you will just have to find out.
Relationships: Severus Snape & Reader, Severus Snape/Reader
Comments: 15
Kudos: 42





	1. You aren't a Monster

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't stopped writing Rick/Morty Fanfic! I'm just taking a break from it so I can get my creative juices flowing again. In the meantime enjoy this Snape/Reader fic.

The sun spills over against her pale skin as Y/n steps outside. She is finding her way over to the secluded yet beautiful spot that she calls her own. Taking a seat against the tree’s trunk that sits near the lake, but just out of others’ view, she opens up the new potions book she got and begins to read where she left off. The book is fascinating, and before long, Y/N is completely lost to its content. So much so that she does not hear nor spot the figure approaching her slowly. 

  
Professor Snape watches her as he approaches. She looks so peaceful, so content. He finds himself directly next to her before he knows it, he’s watching her. For a moment, he just reads over her shoulder.  _ Hmm… Potions, interesting _ , Snape thinks to himself. 

  
Suddenly, she shrieks and throws her book at him in surprise, hitting him in the stomach.

  
  
“Ow, watch it!” Snape snaps, the moment gone. 

  
  
“Oh! I’m so sorry, Professor!” Y/N shrieks once she realizes who she just hit. 

  
“A hello would’ve sufficed,” He says rubbing the spot where her book hit him, as he picks up the projectile book, turning it over in his hands.  _ This book would be hard for some of his best 7th-year students to understand, and she’s reading it,  _ Snape notes impressed. He quickly covers up this look with that of anger. 

She sheepishly rubs the back of her neck, looking down at her feet.

  
Snape glares at her, “Why were you even out here?” 

  
  
Y/N stumbles over her words, “I-I-I was just- I come here- I need-”

  
“Spit it out, girl, I don’t have all day!” Snape snarls.

“I just needed to get away,” She finally squeaks out. 

  
“Is that so,” Snape sneers, towering over her.

“Ye-yes, sir,” She says, her head falling to stare at her feet. 

“And what might  _ you _ have needed to get away from,  _ Miss L/N _ ?” 

“From the whisp-” She stops mid-sentence, cutting herself off. 

  
  
“What was that?” 

  
She looks away, tears seeming to build in her eyes out of fear of admitting something, “Nu-nothing, sir,” 

  
  
Snape growls, “Don’t lie to me!” Grabbing her by her arm, willing her to look at him. 

  
  
She does, tears trail down her cheeks freely as her lip trembles. Snape’s anger falters, falling into that of concern at the sight of her tears. 

He sighs, letting go of his tight grip on her arm, and begins speaking gently, “What are you so afraid of, Miss L/N?” 

She pauses, “I-I can’t say, sir.” 

  
  
He leads her to sit down on the grass and sits down next to her, “You can tell me.” 

  
  
She shakes her head, violently, “No. You-you’ll just make fun of me, like everyone else.” She looks down into her lap sadly. 

  
  
Taken aback, Professor Snape finds himself grabbing onto her hand, “I’m not everyone else. I’m the greasy dungeon bat, everyone despises,” He gives her a smile, the seriousness of his words scares himself, but he feels the need to comfort her. To find out what is going on with her. 

  
  
She looks into his eyes, searching for any hint of dishonesty, and when she finds none, she looks away with a heavy sigh. She doesn’t say anything for a while until she very quietly says, “I’m- I’m trans…” 

“Trans?” Professor Snape repeats, confused. 

  
“I’m a girl who wants to be a boy,” She says quietly, almost like she’s speaking it to herself and not him. 

“You are transgender?” Professor Snape asks.

  
She nods her head, sadly, covering her eyes as tears start falling down her face, “If you want to leave, I won’t blame you. I’m a monster.” 

  
She hears him get up, and she starts sobbing harder until she’s pulled up into a hug by him. 

  
  
“You aren’t a monster, Mr. L/N,” Professor says quietly to her, rubbing her back with his hand.   


Taken aback, she pulls away, “You don’t think I’m a monster?” The fear and worry in her eyes make Snape want to wrap the child up in a hug.

  
  
Professor Snape looks her in the eyes, “No, I don’t.” 

**~From now on, your pronouns will be he/him~**

______

Professor Snape smiles at the boy in front of him, “Have you thought of a name to go by?” 

The boy looks away, “It’s dumb,”

Professor Snape rolls his eyes at that, “My first name is Severus. Trust me, nothing can be worse than that.”

He snaps his head up at that, “Your first name is Severus?”    


  
Snape nods. 

  
“That’s a cool name,” He says with a smile. 

  
  
Snape snorts at that, “I beg to disagree.” 

“Well, then you’ll be begging for a while,” The boy fires back, with a smirk.

Professor Snape smirks, “Come on; tell me.” 

He sighs, “It’s Y/n.”   
  


“Y/n… Y/n,” Snape says it aloud, feeling it out, “It suits you quite well,” Snape says honestly. He rather liked the name, and it does fit him.

“You think so, sir?” 

  
  
Snape nods, causing the boy to break out into a smile. 

  
  
Professor Snape stands, “Come, we must be getting back,” He offers a hand to him, which Y/n gladly takes.

As they walk back, Snape asks, “Do your peers bully you?”

Y/n looks away, with a sigh, “Yeah, they think I’m a monster and treat me like one.”

Professor Snape suddenly feels a sense of rage shoot through him. How dare they treat him like that. But the words feel familiar.

“Those moronic children,” Snape grumbles.

Y/n laughs at Snape’s comment. A real laugh.

Snape looks at the laughing boy, a smile tugging at his own lips. Something deep inside his heart starts to stir at that sound of laughter. He suddenly feels the need to protect this boy from anything that might hurt him and destroy anything that threatens to take that smile off Y/n’s face. 

  
  
  



	2. Taking on an Apprentice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Y/n comes to Professor Snape's Classroom bleeding Snape finds himself helping the boy and taking him on as an Apprentice

A light knocking on Professor Snape’s door brought him out of his intense concentration; with a growl, he stood up to scold whoever dared to disturb him. Upon opening the door, his furious expression quickly shifted to that of concern. 

  
Y/n was leaning against the wall outside the classroom, as blood dripped down his face. His eyes wide and tearful as he hissed with pain when he touched his nose and began to walk towards Snape. 

Professor Snape quickly reached a hand out to him and led him into the room and to a desk, “Mr. L/n, what happened?” 

“I-uh- can’t remember,” Y/n spoke quietly, looking away, reaching a hand up to his nose. 

Snape reached retrieved a handkerchief from his pocket and placed a hand on Y/n’s chin so he could begin to dab the blood away from his face, “Mr. L/n, you will have to do better than that, if you wish to lie to me.” 

Y/n looked away, tears filling his eyes, “I-I-I-tried to tell them... to stop…” 

Professor Snape’s heart tugs at him. This feels familiar, “Are they the students who were bullying you, Mr. L/N?”

Y/n nods his head, “I don’t under-understand why they hate me so much….am I really such a monster?” He says the last part quietly to himself.

Professor Snape shakes his head, “You are not a monster, I can promise you that,” He walked towards his backroom once he finished cleaning the boy’s face, and when he remerged, he was holding a potion in his hand. 

“How do you know?” Y/n looked at Snape with such seriousness it broke his heart. 

Snape sighed softly, before placing a hand on his shoulder, “Because you are like me, and despite what the world says, we are not monsters, Mr. L/N.” 

Y/N cocks his head, confused, “Like me, how?” 

Snape looks away, searching for something to give him the strength to say it, “I’m-I’m ga-” Snape stops midway, “I’ll tell you someday, but right now, we have to get you cleaned up.” 

Y/n nods slowly, before he looks up at Snape at smiles, “Okay, sir.”

“You didn’t tell me who did this, Mr. L/N,” Snape says as he cleans up his face. 

  
“I-I- I can’t tell you…” Y/n mutters, looking down at his feet.

  
With a gentleness Snape didn’t know he had, he gently places his thumb and forefinger on Y/n’s chin, and lifts his face, willing him to look at him. And like when they first met, Y/n obeys.

  
“I will not be angry with you, Mr. L/n,” Snape says seriously, staring into his eyes with a sudden unyielding force; Snape forgot he possessed.

Y/N sighs, “It-it was some 7th-year Gryffindors, I didn’t know their names, I-I’m sorry.”

  
Professor Snape’s eyes light up with rage. How dare they hurt this boy. Those bloody Gryffindors are going to be in detention till they graduate, “I will make sure they are punished for this; you have my word, Mr. L/N.” 

Y/n smiles ever so slightly, “Thank you, Professor Snape.”

That little smile shoots through Snape like a bolt of lightning. Snape retains his cold expression, and just hands Y/n the potion, “Take half of it, and your nose will be mended.”

“Thank you, Professor Snape,” The boy says gratefully before drinking half of it as he said to. His nose immediately goes back to normal and stops bleeding. 

Professor Snape feels the sudden urge to say something comforting or something to make him smile again. But it’s not like Snape has a whole lot of practice calming people; aside from a few Slytherin students, he’s never tried to comfort someone, especially since most students need comforting because of something  _ he’s done _ .    


  
“Mr. L/n… I noticed you seem to like potions, am I correct?”

Y/n smiles and nods his head, “Yes sir, I do.”

“If you like, I would be willing to take you on as an apprentice,” The words come tumbling out of the potion master’s mouth before he can stop them. The boy is only a third year! Why would he even consider making him an apprentice?  _ You know he’s better than your best 7th-year students though,  _ a part of his brain mentions. That is true. He’s shown an incredible aptitude for potions during class, and his knowledge of potions far surpasses his best students. Maybe having him as an apprentice wouldn’t be so bad.   


  
“Yes, sir! I would love that!” Y/n seems quite excited. His face breaking out into a huge grin.

The corners of Snape’s lips turn upwards ever so slightly into a small smile at the boy’ss joyful expression before he can stop himself.  _ This boy’s smile is infectious,  _ Snape thinks to himself. And he can’t seem to get enough of it.

* * *

“You have to add the powdered Unicorn Horn now that it’s purple. If it turns pink, then you’ve done it right,” Snape says, pointing to the powdered Unicorn Horn, as he stands behind Y/N. 

A blush dusts Y/n’s cheeks, as he nods, before adding the Unicorn horn, “Yes sir, and then I stir till it turns red, yes?” 

Snape leans over Y/n’s shoulder, watching as the potion turns pink. The potion master smirks, “Correct, 5 points to Hufflepuff.”

Y/n begins to stir, and it’s not long before it’s turning red, “It needs to simmer till it turns purple, right, Professor?” Y/N asks, putting down his stirring stick. 

Snape nods with a smirk before asking, “Draught of Peace is a complex potion. How do you know it so well?” 

Y/n, smiles sheepishly, “I don’t have many friends, so my time goes to learning, specifically potions since I like it so much.” 

Professor Snape sneers, “Aren’t Hufflepuffs supposed to be nice?”

Y/n’s face falls, “They were nice before they found out about me.” 

The sneer dissipates as quickly as it appeared, “Well then it’s their loss, Mr. L/n.” 

Y/n gives him a small smile in thanks. 

Snape places a hand on his shoulder, “You have to add the powdered Moonstone now,” Snape points at the now purple potion.    


“Oh, right! Thank you, sir!” Y/n quickly falls back into the task of brewing the potion. 

God, this boy is tearing him apart with his smiles and excitement. But Snape can’t seem to stop himself from continuing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eeeeee, relationship development! What do you guys think of this chapter? 
> 
> I was really torn on what house I should make Y/N. I was torn between Slytherin and Hufflepuff. But in the end, the character acted too much like a Hufflepuff in my opinion. What do you guys think? Do you agree, or should I change him to a different house? 
> 
> Thanks for reading~~


	3. A Late-night Disaster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Snape hears crying coming from Moaning Mrytle's bathroom during his nightly rounds. But what he doesn't expect is a trembling Y/n crying. What else is there to do besides offer his assistance?

It had been quite some time since the incident in the classroom. True to his word Professor Snape, continued to teach Y/n and take him on as an apprentice. And Y/n was steadily improving under the masterful wing of Professor Snape.

Y/n was midway through his 4th year when disaster struck late one night. Y/n tried to avoid going to the bathroom as much as possible, especially since the whispers and eyes of students sent him into a crying fit. So at the beginning of 4th year, he started going to Moaning Myrtle’s bathroom late at night. While the risk of being caught after curfew hung in his mind, the prying eyes and comments kept him coming back after curfew. 

It was on one of these late-night bathroom trips that he discovered, much to his horror, blood. And it was the frightful sobs that attracted the presence of Professor Snape, as he was making his rounds in search of misbehaving students. Panicked, terrified, and in a fit of self-hatred, was how Professor Snape found him. 

Professor Snape was not expecting to see Y/n come out of the bathroom stall when he demanded the sobbing student make an appearance from the stall. Only then did his cold, intimidating stare disappear into one of surprise and deep concern. Never had Snape seen the boy so terrified and broken apart. It sent a pang through his heart at the sight of this poor kid. 

Y/n didn’t lift his head to meet Snape’s gaze, instead choosing to stare at his feet. A behavior Snape thought he had long since grown out of, but it appeared he was wrong to assume such a thing. 

“I-I’m suh-sorry Pro-Professor Snape,” Y/n managed to sputter out between sobs.

Snape found himself in front of the student without knowing how he got there and dropped the sharp tone he usually used with everyone else in favor of a softer one, “What’s so wrong that you are wailing in the bathroom in the middle of the night? You are quite possibly given Moaning Mrytle a run for her money with your tears.”

Y/n didn’t even lift his head nor crack a smile at his professor’s attempt at a joke as he answered, “Nuh-nothing, sir.”

_ It must be serious if the Hufflepuff didn’t even give him a pitying laugh or smile _ , he thought to himself.

Professor Snape gave him a severe look even though the boy wasn’t even looking at him, “I thought we were passed this Mr. L/n. Surely you know by now that you can’t lie to me?” Snape ended with a questioning look and the raising of his brow.

Y/n just shook his head, “It-it’s just too embar-embarrassing, sir.” 

Snape shook his head right back and laid a hand upon the boy’s shoulder, and his other just beneath his chin to lead his face up to look at him, “Nonsense, what could possibly be so embarrassing that you cannot tell me?”

Y/n wide, fearful eyes finally reached his own, as tears trailed down his apprentice’s cheeks. His sobbing not so strong. He gave the boy a moment to calm himself and used his hand to wipe his tears away with his thumb. Startled at the gesture and clearly trying to decide whether or not to trust him, the boy went quiet. 

He didn’t say anything for a moment, before he finally glanced away and said, “I’m bleeding, sir.”

Fury shot through the Professor, as he all but snarled, “Who-”

He was cut off swiftly by Y/n, lifting a palm up to stop the professor and sheepishly added, “No-not in that way, sir.”

Relieved but still quite perplexed, Snape began, “Then where are you...bleeding?” 

Snape instinctively began scanning over the boy for any sign of injury, only to be met with a deep blush appearing on the boy’s cheeks.

  
Y/n looked away, the blush standing out distinctly in contrast to his pale skin, “I’m bleeding...down...there…” 

It took Professor Snape an admittedly embarrassing amount of time to put together what the boy was saying, “Are you saying you got your period?”

That did it. Within seconds of posing the inquiry, fresh tears prickled in the boy’s orbs, as he nodded sadly, “I honestly forgot that I was supposed to get it eventually, and to be truthful just hoped that considering I hadn’t gotten it yet, that I wasn’t going to get it at all.”

The boy was terrified because he got his period for the first time. His heart bled for the kid in a way that it hasn’t for any other student in a similar position. He dealt with a fair amount of students who received their period for the first time since he was Slytherin’s head of house. But this was the first time he felt sincere sympathy for a student instead of just annoyance.

A seemingly faraway voice brought him back from his musings. 

“This just proves I’m not a boy.”

“You’re right, Y/n,” Snape answered sincerely and watched as the Hufflepuff dropped his head.

Snape brought a hand to the boy’s chin and lifted, “You aren’t a boy, Mr. L/n. You are a man now.”

Snape could see the confusion swirling in the boy’s eyes as Y/n questioned uncertainly, “I don’t understand?”

“I understand, Mr. L/n. I was like you once, frightened of myself. But you mustn’t let yourself think like that. You are more of a man than any other boy your age and likely older. Only a true man could deal with what you are going through and will go through every month as well as you are now. Do not think you are any less of a man because of this, because that will be the greatest blunder you will ever make,” Snape gave the boy a very rare smile.

Y/n stared up in shock of his words and likely his smile. Tears springing to his eyes as a wobbly smile of his own makes it way onto his face. He smiles at him for a moment large fat tears making their way down his face before he’s throwing his arms around Professor Snape, nearly toppling the man. 

Snape didn’t react at first, caught entirely off guard by the rare display of affection towards him, but it wasn't too long before Snape was enveloping the boy in his strong and firm hold, returning his embrace in a tender manner he hasn’t shown for anyone in a long time.

“Thank you, Professor Snape.” 

Snape felt a genuine grin appear on his face, and finds himself unable to suppress it despite his efforts to do so, “Anytime, Mr. L/n, anytime.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a trans boy myself, this chapter definitely hit home. Periods are every trans boy's worst nightmare. I remember getting mine in 8th grade and being incredibly surprised by it. To my trans boys out there, this chapter is for you. Your monthly week of horror does not and will not make you any less of a man than you are. Stay strong!
> 
> What did ya guys think? As always I love receiving comments, so please feel free to leave one telling me what you thought!
> 
> Much Love!


	4. A Haircut can make all the difference

Y/N was a 5th year when he really started to hate his long hair. Not only was it too long, and very annoying. But it also made him feel wrong whenever he looked in the mirror. It was like he was staring at someone else and not himself. It made him cry on more than one occasion, and almost made him want to just cut his hair himself. It never felt right to him but now it just felt like he was trapped within a lie. His hair kept him being him. And he hated it. 

It was midway through the year when things finally started to change for him. The Hufflepuff was working on a batch of Pepper Up potion for Madam Pomfrey with his favorite Professor, Professor Snape. While the potion wasn’t hard to make nor advanced Snape had said a sudden break out of colds among the student population was quickly draining Madam Pomfrey’s supply and they were in urgent need of the potion. So in the cold dark dungeons, they stood side by side making a fresh batch of Pepper up, each. 

Y/n worked diligently, as per usual, but found his hair to be getting in the way. It was quite long, almost to his waist. And as he worked his hair started to cling to his face and skin. It was oddly sweltering today in the dungeons. Likely the cause of having four cauldrons going at once. 

Snape worked next to Y/n, making his own batch of Pepper up. The sound of a rather loud defeated sigh drew his attention to his Apprentice. His hair appeared to be getting in the way. Without thinking, Professor Snape stopped working on his own potion in favor of moving behind Y/n and gathering the boy’s hair in his hand. Lightly brushing the hair away from his face and off his neck, before summoning a hair tie and putting it in a bun for the Hufflepuff. 

Snape unconsciously ran a hand through his Apprentice’s hair, despite the sweat it was still quite soft. It was quite handsome. It honestly made him jealous, since even when the boy’s hair was sweaty and a mess, it still looked good. Unlike his own greasy raven colored hair which was surely the main joke among first year students and likely older ones.

It was only until he saw the boy turn his head to the side to look at Snape, did the Professor notice what he was doing. Immediately he backed away from his apprentice, nervously wringing his hands in front of him. The boy’s cheeks were tinted pink and Snape had a feeling it wasn’t because of the heat. 

“I’m terribly sorry, Mr. L/n... I hope I did not make you uncomfortable?” Snape’s expression was cold but inside he was panicking. Why did he do that? Is he insane? This kid is going to hate him now! Or at the very least be disgusted with him. Oh Merlin, he was bloody screwed. He just couldn't keep his hands to himself could he? The boy surely ha-

“Thank you, sir,” the boy said looking back at his cauldron with a smile. 

_ This kid always seemed to surprise him, _ Snape thinks to himself. Snape can’t stop the shocked expression that overtakes his features but he manages to cover it up. Silently thankful the boy was turned away and looking at his cauldron. 

“My hair was really bothering me, but I didn’t want to stop working,” Y/n continues. 

“Yes, of course, Mr. L/n,” The man says, trying to appear professional though he had a feeling he was failing. Merlin this kid was making him go insane. 

“I honestly hate having such long hair,” Y/n admits as he adds the Mandrake Root to his cauldron.

“Why don’t you cut it then?” Professor Snape asks, turning back to his own cauldron, in an attempt to escape his embarrassment.

“I don’t know how to,” He says sadly.

Without thinking(as has become the pattern around this boy) Snape suggests, “I could cut it for you.”

The boy whirls around, glee practically bursting from him, “Really? You’d do that for me?”

At the obvious glee, Snape turns towards him having finished his potion, and it needing to just brew for a while now, “Of course, Mr. L/n.” 

The boy pumps his fists in the air happily, before throwing his arms around his Professor’s waist, “Thank you so much!”

Snape pats the boy’s back awkwardly. Despite knowing this boy on a personal level for two years now, he still was not used to the boy’s displays of affection. It wasn’t like he had much experience with affection or receiving any for that matter. Most people and students tried to avoid him like he had the plague.

After the boy withdraws his arms, Professor Snape finds himself missing the sensation of Y/n hugging him. Instead of begging for another hug though, Snape asks, “Have you finished your batch?” 

The boy nods happily, “It just needs to brew for 30 minutes now!” 

The potion master smirks at the boy’s enthusiasm, “Excellent, I have finished as well. I’ll cut your hair while we wait.”

“Okay!”

* * *

The boy stands in front of the mirror grinning at himself. His confidence at an all time high, as he looks at his hair. 

Snape appears behind him, and places his hands on his shoulders gently squeezing, “What do you think?”

Tears spring to Y/n’s eyes, which immediately makes Snape’s face shift from content to worried, “Don’t cry, if it’s that bad I can fix it! I’m sorry, let m-“

“It’s perfect, Professor,” Y/n reassures him quietly as tears trail down his face.

“Then why are you crying?” Snape asks, perplexed. 

“Because for the first time I feel confident. For the first time, I feel like I look right,” The boy says turning around, a wobbly but real smile on his face. 

This time, Snape throws his arms around him and says quietly in the boy’s ear, “I’m glad, Mr. L/n. You deserve to feel confident.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did ya guys think of this one? I love your comments, and they definitely help to give me the inspiration and motivation I need to keep writing~ Much love~


	5. A date that's not a date; Plus tea!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In Y/n's 6th year, Severus notices Y/n's sudden lack of enthusiasm and decline in grades, and sets out to get to the bottom of it. With the use of tea and biscuits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating yesterday, I was on vacay. I hope this longer chapter helps to make it up! Plus I added a good amount of relationship development so I really hope y'all enjoy it! Much love~

When 6th year rolled around, Professor Snape noticed how quiet and reserved Y/n became. He was no longer jumping with joy at a single suggestion or compliment, nor was he especially enthusiastic towards learning or making potions. Other teachers began to discuss how reserved he was and how his grades were plummeting. It started to make Professor Snape worry, and to be quite honest, it saddened him. The boy had been bringing light into the man’s life for quite some time now, and while it was undoubtedly selfish of him, he just wanted to have the Y/n he knew and loved back to him.    
  
_ Did he love him? _ Snape quickly shook this thought away.  _ He’s his student, and he just cares is. He doesn’t love him. That would be silly. _

Professor Snape had prepared his classroom, with two soft armchairs, tea, and a plate of biscuits, as well as some calming smells, and he cleared the room of desks and chairs. The boy would be coming down soon, and he wanted to create an atmosphere where the boy felt comfortable enough to tell him what was bothering him. As the man waited, the professor began to pace _ ; it felt like a date. _ Again, he shook the thought away. _ He was just trying to find out what was wrong with him. Not a date. _

He argued with himself for several minutes, until the sound of a soft knock on his classroom door brought him out of his internal argument. He practically lept for the door, trying to appear calm. But he must have looked nervous because the student stared up at him questioningly. Inviting Y/n in, he saw the boy look taken aback by the sight of what Professor Snape set up. He turned back towards Snape, just as the man was shutting the door, a look of deep confusion shone on his face.    
  
Snape brushed it off, and directed Y/n towards a chair, and sat opposite of him allowing himself a sip of tea before speaking, “I have noticed a distinct lack of enthusiasm for potions and a number of other subjects. You used to be a diligent student, but as many of your teachers have mentioned, you seem to have lost your passion.” 

Y/n shifted slightly in the chair, clearly uncomfortable. Snape internally swore at himself. _Merlin, he's making this kid uncomfortable. Time to sugar coat it._

“You are a brilliant student, so it would be a shame if you threw away that talent,” Snape said, watching as the boy cast his eyes downwards. He appeared to be glaring at the floor. Was he...mad at him? The boy started to pick up his tea, but instead scoffed and pushed it away from him, and folded his arms across his chest.

Snape continued nervously, “Did I do something wrong? Have I been pushing you too hard? If you...don’t want to be my apprentice anymore, we can stop.” Snape felt a mixture of guilt, nerves, and something else. He couldn't tell what it was but it sent pangs through his heart.

Y/n sighed frustrated, but a bit of sadness was mixed in there before looking up at him, “It’s not your fault. It’s mine.”

Confused, the professor started to ask, “How is it yo-”

Y/n cut him off, “I can’t live with myself and all that I've put you and everyone else through. Especially considering all that I have placed on you. You do not deserve to have to deal with me and my issues.” 

_He can't live with himself? Is the boy...suicidal? No, he's just confused. He's in pain, not suicidal._ Severus could tell the difference. He after all understood the feeling. Snape had to clear things up. 

“Y/n, you have not put anything on my shoulders that I could not handle, nor have you caused me harm by interacting with me. If anything, you’ve done the opposite,” Snape said seriously yet thoughtfully as he brought his cup to his lips and took another sip.

  
“I don’t understand. I’ve been a bother to you at every turn, how could I have possibly done the opposite?” Y/n glared, though Snape had a feeling that glare was not for him. But for Y/n himself. He recognized that self-hatred. He felt the same way at his age. In fact, he still feels that way. Somethings don't go away.

Snape chuckled at Y/n’s words, causing the boy to tilt his head to the side in utter confusion, clearly not expecting that reaction. “You have no idea how much you’ve given me. You have given me so much light and quite frankly so much more affection than I have experienced in my lifetime,” Snape said with a small smile, looking at the boy over the top of his tea.

Y/n threw his hands up, and stood seemingly trying to tower over Snape to get the man to back down, “I’m nothing but a bother, how could you say that?” 

Snape set his tea down and stood up and thanks to his height and natural intimidation towered over the boy, “Because I’m like you. I understand what you are going through. I suffered from similar things in my youth, and I never had anyone like me to help me. I was alone, and I was still alone until I met you,” Snape poked his finger into the boy’s shoulder, “you have shown me that I am not alone, you have shown me that there is hope for me. You have given me so much support and so much laughter, more so than I have ever experienced. That was all you. You are not a bother and you never will be to me.”   
  


Y/n took a step back in shock, eyes wide, as he practically whispered, “I don’t understand…”

Snape scowled, “I’m gay, Y/n. I didn’t have anyone until I met you. I kept people at a distance, so they didn't have to deal with me. I pushed people away to protect them. I was a monster. But thanks to you, I’m slowly learning that I might not have to be anymore. I am a broken man, Y/n." 

Snape looked away, "And you have given me the love and kindness I never thought I deserved. You did that. If anything I have been a bother. I have tainted you with my misery,” Snape spun away from Y/n with a swish of his cape and stepped towards the window. 

He glowered out of the window, attempting to calm himself. Merlin, if the kid didn’t despise him before, he’d surely despise him now. 

“You are not broken, merely damaged, Severus,” Y/n placed a hand on his arm, but he honestly didn’t need to since his words and the use of his first name caused the professor to whirl around towards the boy. 

Y/n continued, “I didn’t know how much I have affected you, Severus, nor how much I have given you. I have been so trapped within my head lately, so trapped within my body that I didn’t notice how much I was hurting. I didn’t realize it until you said what you said, and my heart fluttered. You have given me so much love and kindness, I was unaware that I was doing the same to you. You have not tainted me. I was filled with misery before you met me. You have helped me to not fall apart.”

  
  


Severus looked at Y/n in shock. _ Did he really mean that?  _ Severus found himself grasping for Y/n’s hands and intertwining his fingers with the boy’s. He tenderly ran his thumbs over Y/n’s knuckles before responding softly, “I guess that makes two of us.”

This time Y/n laughed. It drew a smile to Severus’s features. It was the first time he had heard the boy genuinely laugh this year. It made his heart do backflips. 

“My apologies for causing you to doubt yourself. I hope you never question my affection for you again. Not that I- uh- love-you-or-anything,” Severus sputtered towards the end, and felt his cheeks grow hot as he looked away. 

Y/n disconnected their hands in favor of embracing him. Severus’s arms acted on their own accord and wrapped themselves around the Hufflepuff. The man felt himself melt into the embrace as he gently rested his chin on the boy’s head. 

“Thank you,” Severus murmured quietly after a while, not wanting to pull away from the hug. And apparently, Y/n didn’t want to either as he didn’t try to pull away. 

“For what?” 

“For not being scared of me for being… well gay,” Severus replied, honestly. 

“I couldn’t be scared of you if I tried, besides I already knew,” Y/n answered sincerely. 

Confuddled, Severus asked, “How’d you already know?” 

Y/n giggled, prompting Severus to pull away to look at him, his hands resting on the boy’s shoulders. 

The boy smirked, “You aren’t exactly subtle with the way you look at me nor some of the guys we meet when we go out to get supplies. Plus, I’m gay too.” 

Both embarrassed and shocked, Severus stumbles over his words, “You are... I don’t look at you like... I’m not obvious!” Severus huffed as a tinge of pink-tinted the man’s cheeks.

“Yes, you are. I’m surprised you didn’t know I was gay. I’m likely more obvious than you!” 

Severus grumbled, but Y/n just drew him back into a hug, “It’s fine, Severus. I don’t hate you for it, nor am I disgusted.” 

Severus began to object, but then a different thought snags him, “When did you start calling me Severus?” 

“When you started calling me Y/n,” He replies easily. 

A comfortable hush settles over them before Severus suggests, “I’m likely enjoying this embrace far too much, and I don’t really wish to let go, but I’m afraid our tea is going to become cold if we leave it for much longer.”

  
Y/n steps away from the embrace but holds onto Severus’s hand, giggling, “Well, we can’t have that, can we?” 

Severus smirks, running a thumb across the back of his hand, “No, we can’t.”

  
_ This is friendly. There are no hidden feelings, _ Severus tries to convince himself. But his fluttering heart, and loving eyes, suggests otherwise. For once, he doesn’t pull away. For once, he allows himself to feel affection. And despite his mind screaming at him that this will only end with pain, he permits himself to hold Y/n’s hand. He lets his heart grab hold of the boy. And he allows his feelings to grow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whatcha guys think of it? I'm super excited to see Severus finally starting to accept his feelings, and maybe even act on them? Who knows! I'm only the author lol.
> 
> Do you guys want to see anything in particular happen in the future that's trans related or just fun? Any ideas? Feel free to let me know with a comment! As you know, I love reading and getting your comments, and they help motivate me to write more! So comment away!
> 
> SO much love!  
> -Taki~


	6. The Next Stage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y/n is thinking about taking the next step and transitioning.

It was nearing the end of Y/n’s 6th year when Y/n decided to transition. He had spent the last three years torturing himself over deciding whether he wanted to go through with the testosterone, top, and bottom surgery. 

  
As is the case, with many of the more severe discussions Severus had with Y/n, they met up in the afternoon and discussed the topic over tea and treats. Severus had become so acquainted with this arrangement that he kept a kettle in his office, leading to quite a few strange looks from students in detention, but he never cared. He just gave the students a glare to shut them up.

Y/n walked into the room, finally some time, after dinner. Severus wore a white button-up with his sleeves rolled up and black pants, rather than his usual all-black, intimidating outfit. Something about Y/n made the man feel safe and like he didn’t have to hide, so when in his company, the professor wore his more casual garments. Of course, there’s nothing more casual than black dress pants, so in Severus’s mind, he was bloody killing it.

Severus knew something was up when the boy walked in, looking like he just watched his whole family get murdered. Pale and shaky, eyes are drawn to the floor, and his hands strangling the ends of his sleeves. The boy muttered, “hello” upon arrival. 

  
“Good afternoon, please come in. I made tea,” Severus said as he quickly shut the door behind the boy and took his hand, leading him to Y/n’s preferred chair. 

Severus took a seat across from him, “I must say, you look like death. Whatever could be plaguing you so badly?”    
  
Y/n’s hands shook as he picked up his cup of tea and took a sip before hesitantly looking up, “I-I uh think I want- I think I should transition.”

Severus, took a sip from his own cup, mewling the words the Hufflepuff just said to him over. So he wants to transition? He can understand why he’s going to be a 7th year soon so it only makes sense. He must have been chewing himself up over the decision. The boy had a tendency to do so, Severus noticed. He once spent a week on the brink of tears and snapping at anything that moved over whether or not he should buy a scarf since it had been getting cold. He didn’t end up doing it in the end and Snape gave Y/n one of his. 

“I see. It’s not a surprise to me that you would want to. The timing is right, and you are likely in pain every day from dysphoria,” Severus spoke clearly giving the boy something strong to grasp onto in this likely whirlpool of a situation, “I will assist you in any way I can. If you would like I would be willing to go to St. Mungos with you to talk with one of the doctors about this.” 

Y/n’s face sparked up in surprise and a mix of joy and uncertainty, “Thank you so much, Severus! I’d love for you to go with me.” Y/n gave Severus a large grin. 

  
“I will talk to Dumbledore about letting us go to St. Mungos, I shall accompany you since you will likely need an escort anyway,” Severus took a sip of his tea before pausing for a moment to think. “Do you want your parents to come or be there with you?”

Severus selfishly hoped that the boy would say no so he could enjoy his time with him in peace. The professor scolded himself for thinking that way, the boy should have his parents there as support. That way he will be calmer. 

Y/n vigorously shaking his head left to right, brought Severus out of his thoughts, “No! I’m fine without them!” 

Severus raised a brow at the boy’s answer, “Are you sure?”

Y/n nodded, “Absolutely sure!” 

Severus went quiet for a moment to drink his tea and think about how to go about this.    
  
“Why are you so adamant about your parents not coming?” Severus asked with great caution. 

“I-I uh just don’t want them to come,” Y/n said sheepishly, his whole demeanor suggesting how big of a lie what he just said was. The boy took a sip of tea in an attempt to escape Snape’s gaze.

Severus sighed, “They aren’t supportive, are they?”

Y/n looked up surprised, “How did you know?”

Severus chuckled darkly, “I was and still am a gay wizard, Y/n. My father hated me enough for being a wizard but when I came out as gay, that drove him to the edge,” Snape paused to collect his words before continuing, “He was not supportive in the slightest and made my life hell because of what I am.”

Y/n let his professor’s words wash over him, “Sounds like a tough childhood.” 

Severus clenched his jaw shut, “It was certainly not  _ easy,”  _ Severus released the tension building in him to ask the boy a question, “How does your family handle it?” 

The boy sipped his tea, looking away sadly, “They call me names, make fun of me constantly, and don’t just leave me with emotional scars.”

“Now I understand why you spend your holidays here and not at home like most other students.”

“They don’t want me to come home anyway,” Y/n scowled.  _ Must be picking up some of his own habits,  _ Severus thought. “They write to me right before the holidays telling me not to come home until the “trans” thing is gone.” 

Severus growled at that.  _ How dare they treat him like that. Reminds me of my own family,  _ Snape thought. 

“I understand, Y/n. If you will allow me, I could be your pillar of strength through this process,” Severus suggested, his eyes looking anywhere but at Y/n. He was nervous, yet he didn’t know why. At the last moment, he snuck a glance at Y/n.

Y/n’s eyes, lit up, as he quickly nodded his head, “Yes! Thank you, Severus!”

Severus’s heart sped up a bit at Y/n using his name and accepting his offer so quickly. _ Merlin, what is wrong with him? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are not who you family tell you, you are. You are who you say you are. If anyone ever needs to talk feel free to reach out to me at my email TakashiSenpai7Writes@gmail.com~ If you feel like you have no one else, understand you will always have me. You are not alone. 
> 
> _____________
> 
> What did ya guys think of this chapter? How do you think this will end? You guys like how the story is unfolding?

**Author's Note:**

> What do ya guys think? Do you like this idea? 
> 
> This is for trans boys like me, but feel free to enjoy it even if you aren't! Much Love!


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